jennethink

AND SHE SWAM AND SHE SWAM RIGHT OVER THE … DAMN!

Had a swim practice this morning. Liz, my swim coach and all around cool chick, is helping me figure out how to go faster in the water. It's not easy. Nothing about swimming makes sense. It's a weird sport. It's hard. Technique matters. A lot. It's sort of like drawing or painting. How do you get better at painting? Well, I don't know. That's why I don't paint. But I do know you don't get better at it by just doing it harder and faster. That would be one bad painting indeed- Pollock aside I suppose. And of course there's the added bonus that you can drown. With the swimming, I mean, not the painting - unless you are a really bad painter. Although if anyone could drown painting, it would be my friend Andrew who once came over to help me paint my house and after tracking big yellow footprints through my living room, spraying trim paint over half the upstairs window and putting his foot through the roof was given the much less risky assignment of going to get more beer.

Which he somehow managed to eff up as well.

 

Anyway, swimming. There is so much to think about in the water. Hand position, head position, high elbows, pulling, kicking easy, swimming downhill (don't ask, it makes no sense. Swim downhill? 'scuse please? Doesn't that mean I'll hit the bottom?). And really, you can only think about one of those things at a time. The moment I begin to concentrate on head position, my high elbows aren't so high anymore. Or if I concentrate on placing my hands at 11 and 1, my T goes all to shoot. It's sort of trying to drink margaritas AND not make a fool o' yerself at the same time. aint happenin'. And none of it - NONE OF IT - feels natural. It feels like a comedy sketch.

 

So there I am today, slapping at the water, rotating my hips like a half-drunk belly dancer, thrusting my elbows skyward and gasping air every other stroke feeling ridiculous, feeling hopeless, feeling frustrated and awkward when I hear over the roar of water slooshing by my ears and the sound of my bubbles breaking around me "GREAT JOB JENNE! KEEP IT UP!" and I think …

Huh? Really?

 

And then I realize, this is why I have a coach. Someone to remind me that just because it doesn't FEEL right doesn't mean it ISN'T right. And that my perception, in the moment, may not be the most correct one. Maybe, just maybe, someone with a different vantage point, more skill, knowledge and experience just might see someone I'm missing. Maybe. That's the thing about having a good self-image (okay, you call it cocky, I call it a good self-image ..why you gotta push?), sometimes you are unwilling to believe someone else is right. Maybe I AM doing great. Maybe I'm finally getting this. Maybe I'm at that point of break-though, standing at the precipice of becoming a real swimmer, just ready to trumpet out of the tunnel of chaos and into Michael Phelps-ville.

And then I sucked in half the pool and went right to the bottom.

 

Some lessons are easier than others.

ANYWAY - SURVIVAL ADVICE FOR STEPMOMS ON MOTHER’S DAY

Before I tell you what I'm going to tell you, take a sec and read this:

 

The Paradoxical Commandments

by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

 

Good stuff eh? The Paradoxia Commandments were written by Dr. Keith way back in 1968. They circulated unattributed for years, eventually finding their way to Mother Teresa's wall in Calcutta. At some point, they were credited to her. And boy howdy, I can see why. It does sound like something only a Mother Teresa could do. Recently, however, they've been correctly re-attributed to Keith. Who, I'm sure, is thinking - You write something inspirational and people will attribute it to a foot-washing nun in India. Write it anyway.

 

It's such a good reminder. That we don't always have to feel good to do good. That our rewards may not be instantaneous and may not come at all. That our outward behavior can LEAD our inward feelings. That we have a choice - every day, each moment - how we will act and treat others.

I say all of that as a reminder - not just to you, but to me. And because Sunday is Mother's Day. The day all the stepmothers of the world collectively hold their breath and starting at midnight, count backwards from 24 so they can call it done for another year.

It's not easy being a stepmom on mother's day. In the past I've commiserated. I've lectured. I've encouraged. I've shared my own struggles and triumphs as a step-mom and I've gotten everything from praise to near death-threats because of it. And that's okay. You're allowed to think what you think and feel what you feel. Because I'm going to keep posting about it anyway. And that's what I'd like to offer stepmoms this year. The wisdom of anyway.

 

That child at your dinner table is not yours. You did not plan it, did not carry it, did not give birth to it. That child is living proof that your husband once loved someone else. Love that child anyway.

The snot that runs fat and gross out of her nose causes no feelings of tenderness or pity in you. Clean that nose anyway.

That child will cry - not a genuine cry, but a manipulative cry that will cause bile to rise in your throat and exasperation in every fiber of your muscles. Comfort that child anyway.

When you turn in tenderness to the soft sounds of snoring in the backseat and see the spitting miniature image not of your husband, but of his first wife …Cherish the moment anyway.

When you slave over a meal carefully removing the tomatoes and making sure the veggies don't touch the applesauce only to be exposed to pterodactyl-like screeching at the sight of sweet potatoes you will think it's not worth it. Pick out the tomatoes again anyway.

Someday she will curl up in a ball on her bed, crying over what you know is only a crush but what feels like the end of the world. And just as you reach for her, she will sob "I wish my mom were here." Reach for her anyway.

When that little boy bursts through the front door and you stop everything to open your arms only to have him run past you and into the arms of your husband….Welcome him home anyway.

When the phone lights up with her number and you beam with pride at the idea she's calling you, and the first words out of her mouth are "Is Daddy there?" ….Beam with pride anyway.

Other people will ask the little boy in your shopping cart how old he is, compliment how smart he is and gaze back and forth at the two of you and tell him he looks like his mom - only to have him say sternly "She's not my mom!" Take the compliment anyway.

This Sunday, when there is no card on your dresser and no rubbery eggs on a tray as you awake mother's day morning … Hop out of bed anyway.

When they are handing out roses at your favorite brunch place and they don't hand one to you because you aren't with a child …Take a rose anyway.

When you're tempted to feel sorry for yourself and slighted and want to pout and moan and think about all you do and think the last thing you can do today is smile….Put a smile on your face anyway.

And even if it takes every ounce of energy you have to wish your step-child's mother a happy day…Wish her a happy day anyway.

And remember, others may not see it, your husband may not understand it, your step-child may not appreciate it, your own family may not get it. But since when are you doing this for them anyway?

You are a mother - in every way.

 

Happy Mother's Day.

ZOOM OUT

Got an email yesterday from my coach – this is the coach I have to help me become the elite triathlete I just know I'm not…but I don't have to know – that's why I pay someone else.  To convince me I can do this. 

 

"Do this"

 

… man, if you only knew how often that phrase is uttered in our house.

 

Preparing for a 50 mile ride: "Do you really want to do this?"

Picking up stinky work-out wear, carrying it to the basement and starting a load of laundry: "I can't believe we've waited this long to do this."

Pulling on a cold, clammy half-wet bathing suit that hasn't quite dried out from yesterday's swim,  "You shouldn't be able to pay me enough to do this"

Standing in front of the mirror poured into spandex, "I'm not sure I have a strong enough self-image to do this."

Looking at the size of the wet-suit off of me and knowing the fight I'm in for to get into it,  "Can you help me do this?"

 

Standing at the start of a race, looking ahead to hours and hours of physical and mental pain, looking over at The Hub,  "Are we really going to do this?"

 

The gun goes off … and the tone of "do this" changes.  It's now "Let's do this," with a fist bump to The Hub.  And "Time to do this!" With a smile to my mom.  And simply "Do this." to myself.

 

And, with that first moment of the race, "do this" changes to "doing this."  "Look at us!  We're doing this!" to fellow participants and "I'm not fast, but I'm a lot faster than those people watching who aren't doing this!" to myself. And with a glance at my watch and a small grimace, "How much longer until I'm not doing this?"

 

And then, finally crossing a finish line, "doing this" becomes "did that" … and did that is really cool.

 

But, right now, we're in the "do this" phase.  "Do this" is a tough place to be.  "Do this" is all about my mental toughness. "Do this" is all about shifting my focus.  "Do this" is all about harnessing my thoughts and forcing them into the proper form and place.  "Do this" is all about pushing, being uncomfortable, choosing a behavior over an emotion.  "Do this", without proper care and feeding can easily become a suck-fest.

 

I'm a short 4 weeks from a goal race – the Ironman Kansas 70.3.  The "Ironman" means it is a triathlon (a swim, bike, run event).  The "Kansas" means it is in Kansas. And the "70.3" means I'm nuts.  70.3 is the total mileage I'll cover that day (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run).  Now here is where you say "SEVENTY POINT THREE MILES??? I DON'T EVEN LIKE TO DRIVE THAT FAR HA HA!"  and I say "Me either! And I don't usually run unless I'm being chased!" and oh we all laugh and laugh because aren't we clever.

 

The truth is, it really isn't all that far.  In fact, it is half as far as a full Ironman and only twice as far as the Olympic distance.  Many people go much farther.  Many people do much more difficult events.  Some people actually do much more difficult things for a living.  And I'm not just talking pro-athletes, I'm talking about doing really really hard stuff on a daily basis.  Crazy stuff.  Outrageous stuff.  Billy-the-Exterminator type stuff.  Speaking of, that dude is awesome. I was once asked if I threw a dinner party and could have 5 guests from anytime in history who would they be?  At the time, I think I said Neil Diamond, my Dad, Abe Lincoln, Dorothy Parker and a guest to be named at a later date.  Now I think I'm going to have to drop someone so I can add Billy the Exterminator AND Dog the Bounty Hunter.  And based on the Rue Paul's drag race marathon I recently watched, it's possible only one of the originals is safe. 

 

Neil, of course.

 

ANYWAY … I swear I had a point.  And it is this:

 

One of the biggest skills we can develop as athletes, leaders, parents, friends is the ability to ZOOM OUT.  The harder something is, the more important the skill. If all I think about right now is how painful or hard or sucky the "do this" is, I'll never ever get to "did that".  And I can't get to "did that" without the "do this". 

 

It's a perspective change.  It not focusing on the right now but focusing on the goal.  It's the skill of climbing the ladder of my imagination and seeing not only the beginning of all of this training or the middle but seeing all the way to that finish line mere yards away.  It's knowing that finish line is out there and the only way to cross it then is to do this now.  In order to be able to run 13.1 miles on race day, I have to run lots and lots of miles now – even when it hurts, even though my knee aches and my head pounds.  The only way to bike hours and hours on race day is to bike hours and hours now – even with a raw tush and a burning back.  And the only way to swim 1.2 miles is to stop typing now and go get in the pool.

 

 

Time to do this.