YOU DON'T CALL, YOU DON'T WRITE ...

Oh I know!  I was wondering what happened to me too! 

I’ll spare you all the typical blogger confession, “Sorry I haven’t posted in sooo long, but ….” and just say that I’m back now no thanks to a number of clutterous, sometimes annoying, sometimes scary and worrisome things that have come up that have kept me from posting for a little while.  You know how tricky life can be, what with interrupting us all the time with the unplanned.

Often when I don’t post, I’m still writing.  In fact, I’ve found there is usually some sort of relationship between the amount I’m posting and the amount I’m writing uh, non-postual thoughts.  If, for example, my friends are receiving long drawn out emails full of insights, stories, recipes that use avocado and tales of trips to Chick-fil-a then my posting here slows.  Or if I’m rat-tat-tatting in my journal or in one of oh about 87 books I’ve started and never finished then my posts here tend to be a little less regular and a lot less meaty.  Or even if I’m busy work-wise composing proposals and powerpoints and handouts then my blog grinds to a halt.  It’s almost like I only have a certain number of thoughts or words a day to use and once they are used up – in any form – then that’s it.  Hang the closed sign out.  I’m headed home where I’ll just sit idly and watch the latest episode of Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Which reminds me of a theory I used to have that we are all only allotted a certain number of words total in our lifetime and once they are used up, we die.  But that’s been disproven by so many drunk businessmen in airport pubs that rightfully should keel over into their pretzels half-way through their third beer and 12th story that I don’t pay any more attention to that theory than I do to the raw or undercooked food warning at the bottom of the barroom menu. 

Anyway ... During this latest eclipse of the blog, however, I haven’t been writing while I’ve been not writing.  Which makes me feel less, slug-like, thought-less, thought-VOID.  And thus, I’ve lost my voice … my rhythm, my style and I’m back to using words like thus.

I’m back to writing as a means to stimulate writing.

I truly miss writing when I don’t do it.  I miss the way my brain strings together thoughts.  I miss the actual act of sitting in front of the screen and making words appear to the tune of ratatattatt of my keyboard.  When The Hub and I are in the office together, he always asks for me to put on some music (the stereo is closer to my desk than his) and I always do.  I’ve noticed, however that when I’m alone the music of my fingers on the keys is enough to settle me.  I don’t need lyrics and melody.  I just need movement. 

Speaking of movement.  I’m constipated.  Not in the traditional way. But in the I-have-too-many-thoughts-inside-my-brain-and-they-can’t-get-out way.  Someone once told me that the best way to write when you feel this way is to create a bullet point list of ideas.  Not to worry about if they string together or not – just write them down.  Which I’ve tried and it only ends up veering so far off the original idea of clearing my mind that I can’t even recognize the reason for starting and only increases my anxiety.  It’s sort of like when I do a trial run through of an upcoming keynote address or speech of some sort and I start off practicing and I end up doing the dishes never sure how I transitioned from one to the other.  So I’ve forgone the bullet point list idea and will instead see if I can zero in on one single topic or thought about which to write.

I’m overwhelmed.

Comments

[Janet Lawrence]

Ha ha ha...you've struck a chord with me with the only-so-many-words-per-day-available theory. But when I'm putting together or revising a training course for work, I find I don't have much desire to then write a rambling blog item as well. When I'm reading more than writing for work, then the words coming flowing out of me.

Hmmmm...hadn't really made that connection consciously until now. Thanks, as always, for giving me something interesting to ponder!

Have a great weekend!

Janet

[gilly]

...completely agree with the only so many words and then we die theory. My Dad has a theory on only using his turn signals when he really needs to because they have a limited amount of times and he doesn't want to waste any usages- really more of a justification for not using his signals.

[Christi]

um, can I get on the email list for the avocado recipes? I can't get enough. I think it's turning into an addiction, but, please, people ... no interventions.