January 08, 2007


Jason Reno

You're so good.

I know you're not excited about Wednesday but I am. I like Wednesday. Not as much as Thursday but Wednesday is good.

Especially when this is the last Wednesday of this part of you. Just think how different next Wednesday will be. And the next Wednesday. And the next.


Wow, do your analogies ever work. I see what you mean. At least, I think I see what you mean.

As far as the immediate wall you are facing--of this coming/last treatment--it reminds me of that young mountain climber who got stuck out on his own with his arm crushed under a rock. He couldn't get the arm out, and no one was coming to his aid. The only remedy he could figure out was to saw his arm off, which he did. Yes, he got back to civilization. But I'm pretty sure while he was sawing away he wasn't thinking, "Yippie-doo! I'm almost free! I'm just about on my way home!"

You have to sit and have someone saw on your arm on Wednesday before you're free. Freedom is out there, past the arduous, horrible task of chemo.

And while for you, unlike the young man's arm, your hair will eventually grow back, and other chemo-related issues should resolve over time, you'll still have that doubt...and I'm mixing metaphors, but you'll have that doubt that the car won't start. It'll be with you.

That reminds me of Phil's heart. In the back of my head, niggling some days, there's some doubt. It's there, even though he's all sewn up with that bionic valve. Even though he's in excellent health (according to the cardiologist and Dr. Erb), I still wonder if I'll end up raising these kids on my own. It's there, niggling, like your rainy days with the purring Honda.

I don't know if that's close to what you're feeling at all. In the end, just know that you have our love and prayers throughout, my friend.


I think it takes enormous amounts of discipline to live with fear and not let the fear own you. I think we all must have it, in some way. The difference is do we give in to it, do we let it change us.

I guess.

Or maybe it isn't about living with fear. Maybe it is living with knowledge and not letting the knowledge turn to fear.

oh, whatever.


Today's Wednesday. I hope it's going well for you!

I once had a car that shut off every time I went over railroad tracks.

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