It seems every time I come to visit my mom it snows in Kansas City. I have no problem with that because there is something so terribly and wonderfully naughty about knowing all your friends are digging their way out of the white stuff while you are trying to decide what swimsuit to wear.
HOLLIE came down to Orlando with me for the weekend. We don’t get to see each other often – in fact, this is only the second time we’ve seen each other ever (long story, no time, maybe later). So much happened over the weekend I don’t really know where to begin. No really, I don’t. By the way, this is HOLLIE.
Although it may look like we have a similar hair cut in this picture, you should know HOLLIE really does have hair. Boy does she ever. My hair, as you can see, is getting quite long, but nothing compared to that mane HOLLIE has. She’s like one of those Lipizzaner Stallions … which can be seen training free of charge on Wednesday, Saturdays and Sundays in Sarasota. I know this because HOLLIE’s boyfriend told us. Not her real boyfriend, the one she apparently keeps down in Florida. We met him at the Sugar Mill in DeLand Springs State Park. Nice guy. Had lots (and lots and lots and lots) of information but I like my men with a little more … oh, I don’t know, teeth. And by “teeth” I don’t mean I like them with a little more attitude, I literally mean I like it when my boyfriends are able to chew their own food.
I’m just sayin’
But he seemed to take a shine to HOLLIE. Who can blame him? Her FULL SET of teeth are bright enough to compete with the sun.
Anyway, not to sound like I work for the Orlando Tourism Board but there really are some great things to do in Orlando and the surrounding areas THAT DON’T INCLUDE A CARTOON MOUSE OR MAGIC OF ANY KIND. And, by the way, if you're not currently IN “The Park” and are over the age of 4 go ahead and take off the mouse paraphernalia. And really, go ahead and expose yourself to something other than the Disney experience while you’re here. Not that Disney isn’t great, it’s just that I’m concerned. If you’re not careful, you’re going to find yourself saying things like “do these ears make me look fat?” Just this past Saturday, for example, we found all kinds of things to do that had nothing to do with Mickey, or any of his lackeys, including shopping at this kick-fanny mall that had all the best stores. I know they were great stores because they wouldn’t allow me inside but as I pressed my face against the glass and watched HOLLIE shopping for a 10,000 dollar tube of lipstick I thought to myself, what a great country we live in. Of course I then immediately thought of all the people in Africa who don’t have any lipstick at all and well I began to feel a bit guilty.
Thankfully a trip to a neat-o place called Jellyrolls made me forget all my cares and woes. It’s a piano bar, you see, but not the groovy, finger-snapping kind, the key-pounding, drink-pounding, fist-pumping kind. Did you know there were those kind of piano bars? HOLLIE and I sat in the second row of tables at this place. We were, however, far enough back to have a really good time enjoying the people in front and around us. And, of course by “enjoying” I mean making fun of. HOLLIE and I chose to stay sober for the evening. We were clearly alone in this decision and it was an AWESOME one. The longer the night went on the better things got for us. When I’m sober, any drunk people are funny but I forgot to mention that this particular group of drunk people were PART OF A CONVENTION OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS! No, I’m serious. AND also, they were INTERNATIONAL computer programmers which meant… well, jeepers, I don’t know for sure what it meant except that many, MANY countries were represented and well, can I just say, GEEK soooo translates.
At one point, we were approached by two men who had been drinking and dancing all night in this sort of happy mosh pit off to the side of the stage. They weren’t actually approaching us. They were approaching EVERYONE and we were just in the way. There was no way you could watch these two and not laugh your behind off. They were having just the best time and it made you want to have a good time too. More than once I would look over at them (and the 30 or so people dancing with them) and just shout “I’m so happy!” because that’s how it made you feel and also because I was contact drunk by this point. It was enjoyable enough just watching them boogie to Dancing Queen from afar but suddenly, they were bippin and boppin their way toward us and just as I was thinking things could NOT get any better, they waved their long drunk arms at us and said in the loudest voice they could muster (which, by the way, was very loud and heavily accented) “DANCE! YOU MUST DANCE! DANCE FOR THE GERMANS!”
We must dance for the Germans. Can you stand it?
We chose not to dance for the Germans. Not because we didn’t want to but because I had to cross my legs to keep from peeing I was laughing so hard.
This is just one of many, many stories of the night. I could also tell you about the computer guy who had a t-shirt with a working graphic equalizer built into it but really, would you even believe me?
The truth is, I’m only making this post so I can post this little gem of a video I secretly took of a couple of the people around us. I know it won’t have much meaning for most of you and because the pianos at this place were loud enough to be heard from Tampa, the sound quality is horrible but sometimes, when you have a blog you just have to post stuff so you yourself will never ever ever forget it. Much like Ebenezer Scrooge, in one night, I am forever changed.
I WILL remember Jellyrolls and keep it in my heart all year long!
Man in red-striped shirt: (stopping his table piano) What did he just say?
Girl in blue: (stopping her air beer-tar) HE SAID "YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE!"
Man: Oh. Bummer.
Girl: Yeah, bummer.
Blonde-haired lady: We're all just prisoners here, of our own device...
Posted by: steve | January 23, 2007 at 02:03 PM
For a fleeting second I was worried about what I might be doing in this secret video. I find it intriguing that you failed to mention several keys pieces of info.....just one for instance, that you too had a wknd boyfriend and he was far more entertaining than mine. In fact, I have pictures of him...I'll send them to you. What mine may have lacked in teeth, yours clearly lacked in ability to perform in a kick line on stage. I'm just sayin'...priorities.
Hands down the most entertaining night out. Only could have been better with our real men along for the ride.
Great trip all around.
Thanks!
P.S. I don't do lipstick.......seriously, what would my mom think?!?!?!?! :)
Posted by: The Co-Conspirator | January 23, 2007 at 03:19 PM
What a kick! Loved the video and the story...sounds like a great trip.
Posted by: Wendy | January 23, 2007 at 03:59 PM
I'm not sure if you're a coffee person or not, but if so, check out Guinevere's Coffee Shop downtown (39 S. Magnolia). There's an art gallery next door. Sometimes they have open mic night in the coffee shop or special exhibitions in the gallery--it's all good for people watching. When I lived in Orlando, Guinevere's was one of my favorite places, along with an Irish pub on Curry Ford Rd. Good times.
Posted by: Susie | January 24, 2007 at 01:49 PM