WHY SO GRUMPY?

I was out shopping today.  Oy vey.  What a mess out there.  People are darn near snarling at each other.  I was determined to stay in a good christmasy mood.  I said "Merry Christmas!" over and over again.  I meant it every time.  A couple of times I got a "harumph" back.  I'm not kidding.  And one lady said "yes."  when I said "Merry Christmas!" 

"yes."  That's what she said.  Don't you think that's strange?  I didn't say "Merry Christmas?"  or even what I wanted to which was "Are you sure that sweater was a good idea?"  I said "Merry Christmas!"  and she said

"yes."

I'm thinking she might be a little over-accommodating. 

Anyway my point is this.  I'm tired of everyone being grumpy.  That includes me.  I'm tired of being grumpy too.  It takes too much energy.  And I don't have that kind of energy to waste.  The other day before my jazzercise class the instructor's 4 year old was running around the room... and I mean RUNNING! the way only a 4 year old can.  He ZOOM ran to the front.  He WHOOSH ran to the back.  He WHAM ran into the pole.  He broke into hysterical laughter rubbing his head and then ZOOM back to the front of the room where he climbed up onto the stage and screamed "I'M GOING TO RUN OFF OF HERE!!"  There were about 12 of us watching.  I was the only one who said "Okay."  And off he ran  SPLAT  onto the floor where he rolled into a ball and broke into screaming laughter again.  I laughed too.  I mean come on.  That's funny stuff.

Soon he was confined to the child care room and his mother got up on stage to start class.  "He's like that from the moment he wakes up until he collapses into bed at 9:00," she said and shook her head defeatedly.  Most of the mom's nodded in sympathy.  The single ladies ran to their bags to, I assume, check and make sure they took their birth control that day and I said "That's fantastic." 

That's when I grew a second head.  At least that's how they all looked at me.

I warmed up thinking about it.  Did I really mean it?  Do I really think that's fantastic?  And I realized that yes, I really mean it.  I love that kind of energy in kids.  It doesn't wear me out at all.  I love seeing it.  I love being around it.  I love when my own kid is on a sugar high and talking a thousand words a minute and vibrating like she's going to implode.  But why?  Why do I love it so much?

I think it is because it gives me hope.  If a 4 year old and a 6 year old and Howie Mandel can be that energetic and crazy, why can't we all?  What is it about adulthood that steals our energy?  I mean are we really THAT exhausted?  How can we be THAT tired when in a typical day, I don't run not even once.  What's so exhausting about being us? 

The one thing I can come up with is the worry factor.  I firmly believe that we only have so much energy.  That energy can be spent a number of ways - some of them are physical ... like jumping off a stage or working out or playing the old vodka and mustard game (whatever that is).  But a lot of the ways we spend our energy are emotional.    Worrying about bills.  Worrying about the kids.  Suppressing the urge to say what you really think in a meeting.  Comparing yourself to others around you.  Wondering what your mom thinks about you, or your neighbor, or anyone for that matter. 

Being angry. 

Not forgiving.

Holding on to the past.

These are all ways to spend your emotional energy.  And if you use up all this emotional energy, you don't have any left for the physical stuff.

You see what I'm saying here?

It works like a bank.  I have a bank account of energy.  Just like money, I only have so much at a time.  And just like I can get into an overdraft situation financially, I can get into an energy overdraft as well - spending more energy than I have readily available.  This is not good.  I used to think that in order to not get into an overdraft situation, I had to eliminate or at least cut down on the withdrawals from my account.  This made perfect sense to me.  Just remove the things in my life that were taking energy from me.  I went through a number of years hanging an "out of order" sign on my ATM when my reserves got low.  "Sorry,"  I would say, "I don't have the energy to devote to that right now."  This is true.  I really did this.  And it worked ....for a while.  Until my birthday rolled around one year and no one called.  Well, my mom called but you know, she has to.  That's when I realized that eliminating the withdrawals only was not getting me what I ultimately wanted.

I refocused.  I looked at my philosophy again.  I realized there are two ways to avoid getting into an energy overdraft.  One is eliminating withdrawals.  The other is increasing deposits.  I was in financial debt at this time up to my eyeballs so you can understand why it took me a while to figure this out.

So I began doing that.  I made a list of situations and people and activities that were energy withdrawals for me and situations, people and activities  that were energy deposits.  If I was feeling low on my account, I would first try to increase the deposits before I tried to eliminate the withdrawals.

This has worked well for me.  As with all my theories, I kept working on it.  I took note of interesting things.  I noted, for example, that sometimes a situation (meeting a friend of a friend for dinner because they need some personal coaching) would be a withdraw - I was drained and tired afterward coming home to crash and try desperately to recover before I had to teach the next day.  And other times a very similar situation (meeting a friend of a friend for dinner because they need some personal coaching) would be a deposit - I was energized and enlightened coming home talking a million miles a minute about how amazing people are and how lucky I am that they trust me with their stories and thoughts.  And I've realized something.  Something profound.  And it is this:

Every situation in my life offers me a chance to withdraw from my account OR make a deposit to it.

It isn't the situation that determines the credit or debit, it is my attitude towards it.

Comments

[Wendy]

This is truly inspiring to me. And it came at the perfect time. Thank you! And Merry Christmas (and I really mean it.)

[JENNE]

Merry Christmas to you too! I'm amazed just over the past couple of days how this minor (or maybe major) shift in my thinking has helped me. Thanks for letting me know this meant something to you too. That means the most to me.