jennethink

THE TRUTH THE WHOLE TRUTH SO HELP ME. Ga!

I went to court today.  I had to sit through many cases before the judge ruled I was not guilty.  My favorite case went like this ...

The judge said to the defendant, "Well looks like you've been sentenced to some community service already."

The defendant said to the judge  "Uh yeah, how much of that do I have left?"

The judge said to the defendant, "Well let's see.  You were sentenced to 30  hours.  You've done <pause while he looks through the papers>  zero.  So that leaves 30.

The bailiff said to me, "No laughing in the courtroom."

HAIR APPARENT

I don't look like my picture anymore. 

I mean my picture over there on the left.  It's the picture I use for all of my business.  I use it on my bio.  It's on my website.  It's a couple years old and up until a few weeks ago, I assumed it looked like me.

Until.

I had a speaking engagement last month and my client accused me of sending a picture of someone else.  It was kind of funny.  There was a whole group around. We had all just met face to face and were warming up to each other. They were teasing me.  We were laughing.  I said, yes I know, the hair is a lot different.  We were laughing.  I was secretly feeling good knowing how great the new 'do must look.  "Do I really look that different?" I asked.  We were laughing.  They nodded. I'm silently congratulating myself for how good I look. <laughter laughter> Then the guy who originally brought up the subject says ...

"I mean, don't get me wrong ... you NOW are cute.  But this! <points to picture> Come ON! I mean WOW."

I stopped laughing.

I haven't laughed since.

I need a new publicity photo.

Clearly.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/Movies/08/09/reeve.statement/

Enough.

DO YOU THINK SHE'LL EVER POST AGAIN?

I haven't died.

My step-daughter and I have been quite busy this summer.  Just now, we made placemats out of wax paper and crayons.  How do you do that? you may ask ...

Not very well.

My hands smell like I've been getting freaky with a Crayola. 

I'm always amazed how quickly certain smells remind me of certain things.  They say it's because the smell place in your brain (technical term) is very close to the memory place.  Whatever.  All I know is since the Kid has been here I've been catapulted back into childhood by smells over and over again.  Some of them are good.  Some are bad.

1) Crayola crayons - BAD - it's that waxy smell.  It nearly makes me sick. Right now, because of the placemat project, I'm doused in it.  I can almost convince myself I've had a paraffin hand wax treatment.  Almost. I'm not sure why I despise it so much.  Maybe because when I was about 5 years old I remember shoving a large piece of a blue crayon up my nose and I swear it never came out.  No one believes this story but I assure you, I will die from some sort of Crayola-exposure related disease.

2) Play-Doh - GOOD! - have you smelled this lately?  Nothing else smells like Play-Doh.  Every time I get a whiff of it I want to eat it. Or make a blue pancake.  Then a blue ball.  Then a blue pancake.  I was a very creative child.

3) That orange flakey stuff they sprinkle on vomit - BAD.  Enough said.

4) Vomit - also BAD. 

5) Library books - GOOD.  Not the adult ones, the kid’s books. I love the smell that drifts up as I'm reading the Kid a bedtime story.  Kid's books have a unique inky/jammy sort of smell.  It almost makes up for the boogers stuck in the pages.

6) Sun dried chlorine on the skin - GOOD.  I had totally forgotten about this one until one night when I was tucking the tuckered out kid into bed.  She had been at the pool almost all day and apparently we didn't shower or take a bath that night (details, details).  She smelled like summer.  Like childhood.  Like frozen candy bars and adult swim.  I was sure I'd dream about cannon balls and bathing suit wedgies that night.  I didn't. 

After all, I'm an adult.