31 days ago I decided I would post at least once a day for thirty one days. Since then I have done just that. I have posted – something – every day this month. Big whoop-dee-do.
I'm not sure why I decided 31 days ago to post every day. Maybe because I wanted a challenge. Maybe because I was hoping to trigger readership. Maybe because I was hoping to get into a routine and the daily posting habit would carry on long past January. Maybe because I ran pell-mell into the idea and didn't think it through – well, yes, we can be sure of that. But I know I was hoping that by setting a goal for myself of writing every day I would get back into the glow and rhythm of regular insight that comes with writing.
A number of years ago, when I was going through my divorce, I would write every day. I was truly amazed at what came out in those exercises. The frustration, the memories, the tears and the insight. I can remember more than once feeling like I had gone into some sort of trance and came out on the other side with an insight so rich and delicious I would in that moment, and for a good 10 minutes afterwards, believe the huge awful pain and mess of my divorce was actually worth it.
I'm proud of myself for posting every day. It wasn't always easy. Some posts were simple. Some post were intense. Some posts were a little lame. But I did it. And in the end, I did have some insights. I learned it takes me a few days of letting my thoughts run around carelessly in my head before I'm ready to put them on paper. I learned I prefer to say something personally compelling or discerning to just writing to write. I learned the more I post, the less people comment. I learned it's easier to write when you have some sort of restriction (writing 100 words a day about donuts, for example, would be easier than writing any amount at all about anything at all). I learned my self-imposed expectations are so much higher than anyone else's of me – well I sort of already knew that one. I learned if I don't start writing a post before noon, I end up scrambling to find something to write about near the end of the day. I learned a lot.
And I learned it takes me longer than 31 days to set a habit in place.
I'm taking tomorrow off.