And just like that, it is Friday. It is so hard to update here when I’m feeling cruddy. It’s hard to think, let alone write. I’m amazed at how the chemo (last taken on Wednesday) affects my ability to focus. I can’t – nor do I have any desire to – engage…. in anything. Conversations are beyond laborious, television is painful, reading is an impossibility unless it is a collection of far side cartoons or a book I’ve read a dozen time prior.
A client of mine sent me a survey he composed. I was instructed to choose how I felt. Here were some of my options:
I feel like gum on the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like I just smoked a pail full of garbage.
I feel like a fish that has been out of water for 11 days.
I feel like Oprah's sofa.
I feel like I just spent a solid week listening to a filibuster by Madeline Albright, James Carville and Hillary.
He’s close but what he forgot was an “all of the above” option.
However, from experience I know as badly as I feel today is only that – it is only as badly as I feel today, nothing else. It is not an indicator of how I will feel tomorrow. It is not a gauge of how I felt last week or a marker indicating how well I’m doing overall. It is only how I feel. And how I feel can change – will indeed change. And I will be better.
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. -Albert Camus
Here’s to the invincible summer.