CHEMO BRAIN

Chemo has side effects.  Every person responds differently so there are lots and lots of potential problems you could have.  Some are more annoying than others.  Few of them worry me.  I mean they are somewhat bothersome in the moment but all in all, they are temporary and therefore not so upsetting.  Except one.  One of the potential side effects of chemo is terribly upsetting to me.  Chemo Brain. I know it sounds like a hip new dance but really there isn’t much good about it.  Apparently, there can be cognitive effects from chemo.  And I don’t mean good cognitive effects like I’d be able to suddenly do logarithms or solve that really hard problem at the beginning of Good Will Hunting.  No, the cognitive effects can be negative.  Basically what were talking about here is I have a chance of getting dumb.  er.  Dumber.

I say dumber because I really think this is starting to happen to me.  I think I’m losing brain power. Yesterday I forgot my mother's first name.  Two days ago someone told a joke and I didn't get it.  This may not seem too upsetting but it was a knock knock joke.  Everyone gets knock knock jokes.  And today, just today I forgot where I parked.  I was at home. If you are one of my clients and you are reading this you might want to consider hiring me on retainer and not hourly as soon it could take me 4 times as long to find the elevator.  I’m just sayin.

My oh-so-helpful friend Julie started keeping a list for me last night of evidence of Chemo Brain.  She’s keeping the list because when I voiced concern that I’m starting to forget things and starting to not know things she said “what things?” and I suddenly couldn’t remember anything I’d forgotten or couldn’t think of what I couldn’t think of. 

And yes, that made it on the list. 

Then in an effort to make me feel better she said this:

“But you know what?  You are so smart that even if you lose 10 .. no!  25% of your intelligence you would still be like a good 75% smarter than half the people out there!”

“I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!”  I wailed.  Why in the world would you present that sort of calculation to a person who is concerned they are losing cognitive function?  It was like being transported back to 6th grade math and a train had just left Los Angeles traveling at 100 mph and was heading to the state hospital where I’ll have to reside when I am reduced to wearing Gar-animals and sorting my food by colors because I’m too dumb to remember words like “vegetable” and “side dish”.

So she drew me a picture.  You can see she lowered the percentages and dumbed it down a little for me. 

Is it just me or does that brain look a lot like Africa?  (It is Africa that looks like that, right?)

Comments

[gilly]

My sister's birthmark looks just like Africa. (and now, your brain!)
These drawings remind me of Hooplah.
Let's play! In our Gar-animals too!

[Susie]

Even if you are losing brain power, you're still so stinkin' funny.

[Steve]

As IF you would eat vegetables...

That still makes you a full 100% smarter than me. I LOVE Side dishes. Yay!

Your brain looks like Africa, then a pork chop, then a scrambled egg (That girl was RIGHT! It IS your brain on drugs!).

(Not to mention your brain stem hangs low and to the right. I feel ya, dog)

Sometimes (MOST times) I don't get Nena's knock-knock jokes, if that helps.

Can't WAIT to see Gilly and Leaves-Too-Soon in their gar-animals.

[Wendy]

I think your brain looks an awful lot like a pork chop, actually.

[beek]

this is terrible. i'm sorry sneek. that sucks. maybe it is just the stress and it will all return to "way above normal" next year!!! i don't have anything funny to say. this makes me sad.

[Julie NM]

Brains, pork chops or the continent of Africa - its all good!! I am, after all, the same person who drew an elephant that ended up looking like a septic tank. And I stand by my original claim, you could lose "a whole bunch" of your brain power and still be one of the very smartest people I know! Love ya!

[Sam]

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Little Old Lady

Little Old Lady Who?

Wow! You can yodel!
That's proof you are not suffering from chemo brain!

[Dan]

Instead of saying that Chemo Brain reduces your 150% by 10% down to 135% I think Chemo brain would just subtract 10 from 150 and get 140%. Either way you're still a heck of a lot smarter than most.

And try as I might I couldn't make out the amygdala in any of those drawings. If there's one thing I learned from you it's that there is this almond thingy that needs to be a part of any brain drawing. I think it's supposed to be near Cameroon.

[Janet]

Jenne,

I can identify with your story...even though I've never had chemo.

In 1991, I was struck with a vestibular problem. I just suddenly got vertigo. The whole entire world got wiggly. They never exactly figured out what happened...although it was perhaps associated with a particularly turbulent flight I'd recently taken.

One of the things that often happens, apparently, is some loss of cognitive function. (As I understand it, the "dizzy" brain has so much sensory information to try to cope with that sometimes cognitive functions just slip through the cracks.) Because I had a job which required a LOT of mental gymnastics and fast calculations (I was trading/marketing cargoes of oil), my physical therapist figured I might escape some of the typical cognitive problems...just because my brain "knew" that I needed to retain those functions for "survival". I didn't do too badly through the first two worst years...but one thing happened that STILL causes me problems.

I can't easily pronounce any word that I've never heard or used before. I just can't sound out new words quickly...either in my head or out load. I struggle like somebody who is learning to read.

It makes me feel really dumb sometimes...and it's quite a disabling handicap to a trainer who is facing new students' names all the time!

I've learned that if I ask for a course delegate list a few days BEFORE the course begins, I have time to practice saying the names out loud in the privacy of my home.

Jenne, I don't know you personally but can assure you that you'll STILL be a vibrant, intelligent, funny lady even IF you occasionally get something wrong.

Janet

[Jeff Risley]

Holy shit-session, I'm rolling on the floor. I don't care what you've forgotten or that "Julie" can't do math or that you think chemo brain will make you any less than the AMAZING person you are...none of that matters, really, because you do what you do without even knowing you do it: make people feel good. That story made me laugh, and that laugh felt good. Don't forget that. :)