May 15, 2006



thanks for the honesty.


what an honest and brave post. It does sound difficult and I could imagine how hard it would be to get to a point that is comfortable in your position as step-mom.

I know I would drive myself crazy with self-consious limitations about what I could say and not say and I think I would be exposed to hurt in a way that I am not with my own children.

I would worry about the biological father and how he treated the child, and how do I establish a sense of authority without trespassing on his ground. I would want to be the favorite, but afraid that it would be wrong to be the favorite. I'd be jealous whenever they did something fun together and I'd wish it was me that they had great memories with....but then I'd beat myself up for thinking that.

I guess it's a problem of bounds. Where are the bounds?

Mike Swenson

Nice piece. I have had the honor and privilege of being connected at the hip to a wonderful mom and step-mom for the past 22 years. Char helped me raise my boys and she was the best. Brady is 27 now and Blake is 24, and they will both say she positively impacted their lives in so many ways.


I grew up with my mom as a step-mom to my sister. As it was when we were younger and still is today a very touchy and tense situation on my sister's side, my mom has grinned and beared my sister's resentment that she has a step-mom. Now as an adult, I see my mom as a stronger person because of the tension in their relationship. And even though she raised my sister from age 2, she gets no love for it because she is a step-mom. My mom isn't at fault. Because she married my dad and became a step-mom by default isn't my sister's place to put blame.
And now I see my sister, how selfish and unhappy she is. I wish she could get over the fact that her parents aren't getting back together and besides, it might be time to do so since she's nearly 36.

So thank you for your words on this. You have such a way of writing emotion. It put tears in my eyes and made me want to hug my mom, really give her a goooood hug and forgive her for all the times she was, in my 5 year old opinion, in a bad mood. I have a better understanding now of what she felt.
You are such a great person, Jenne.
I think I'll print it off and give it to my mom, but I'm not sure how she'd react. She's not too open.
And I think the husband's words are perfect.


I think you hit the nail on the head with this. I am a in a common-law relationship and a step mom to a 13 year old. We have always got along very well which I am thankful for. But.... you still have the constant reminder that you aren't her mom and when she talks about her mom, it's very hard to accept. More than once I have asked myself why I was doing it. Then I have days and I see what a great kid she is and am I proud I had a hand in raising her. It's a whirlwind of emotion.


I really like this and I need to speak to other step-moms if I could....PLEASE EMAIL ME at [email protected] - thanks! Just an occasional chat here and there would be great!

Jill Nativio

I am in tears after reading your blog. I came looking for some comfort and I got it. I am raising my own three plus my two step children full time. Every time they go for a visit with their "MOM" she always seems to throw in my face how they are her children. I want to scream...YOU RAISE THEM THEN! It's rough being a step mom and having imaginary lines drawn that are not there with your own children. I commend you for speaking with honesty and being a Mom I am in no way offended by you saying piss off!!!!!


This one really hit home for me. I'm a stepmom of two. This is the first time in my six-year relationship with their dad that I've sought outside reassurance for my feelings. Its been a difficult road and many times I've felt the "outsider" in the family. As stepmoms we are expected to take on the responsibility without the recognition. We often swallow our own pride and sacrifice our own needs for the "sake of the kids". My prayers go out to all the stepmoms. I know it can get tough, hang in there.



Check out this link to the Stepfamily Forum on Gardenweb, it's a forum that's as fantastic as this blog! =-)


This is a great blog about the complicated feelings that come from being a stepmom. Here is a great support group for women without bio-kids of their own, who have married a man with children. Or, more commonly known as "childless stepmoms" out of the need for simplicity. What stepmom doesn't need a little more simplicity in her life, right? ;)

This group has been around for six years now, and new members are always warmly welcomed. If you need an understanding ear and a non-judgemental place to vent, you should check it out.

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